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Laptop-Shooting Dad is a Giant Ass, Part 2

The public nature of Facebook seems to bring out the most extreme behavior.

He cannot remember why he grounded her for weeks before—this is absolutely disgraceful. If I had parents who grounded me for weeks or months and could not remember why, I’d probably act out, too. They obviously don’t pay much attention to her.

Sure, they spend money on her—and a cleaning service—which lead me to think that perhaps they spoil her, too. Parents with money often do. What example is this teaching her? And demanding that she get a job at 15 is stupid. I don’t give a damn about what this father did when he was her age—he should be supporting his own daughter or he shouldn’t have made her in the first place. Most parents would encourage their children to stay in school, not to get a job, and to hit the books hard for a better job in the future.

Regarding the punishment itself, I think I am not alone when I say how extreme this is. It’s like cutting off a child’s arm if he or she stole an apple at the grocery store. This was not an act of punishment or a clear-headed form of consequence; this was a deliberate act of heated retaliation, like a parent who spanks a young child out of anger and claims it’s for his or her own good. He even grounded her again on top of it, further over-punishing his child!

A kind parent in my attachment parenting community would have asked for an apology letter, or at the most extreme, banned Facebook in the home. A sterner one would likely take way the phone and laptop for a period of time. Either of these would have been appropriate. And NONE of them would have made a dramatic public spectacle like this man did, not only because family matters should be private—I don’t care what she did to make it public, you are the ADULT and you are modeling behavior for your daughter!—but also because teens are extremely sensitive, whether they act like it or not, and what you do today will affect her for years to come. Between this and whatever other horrendous things you’ve done, you’ve probably only ensured that she will need therapy when she is older.

Normally I do not judge other parents as much as I can, but this man made his situation public on purpose, and I had to stand up against it when so many other childless people on Facebook have hailed him as some kind of hero. Let me tell you, my friends with children do not think of him as such, and if you had children, you would not, either. You would see him as the bullying, negative example of what NEVER to do to your children as he is.

Laptop-Shooting Dad is a Giant Ass, Part 1

Out of touch father demonstrates how NOT to deal with a teenager; take notes.

Have you seen this ridiculous father who shot his daughter’s laptop when she ranted about hwo many chores she has to do on Facebook? Not only has he aptly demonstrated how NOT to deal with a teenager, he’s also shown just how little he understands about them in the first place. I cringe when I see parents posting this video on their Facebook pages, hailing him as some kind of hero when he ought to be ashamed of himself. This is NOT, and never will be, the way to handle family situations, particularly with children.

For one thing, this man obviously does not understand the demands of being a teen today. Even though my teen years are far behind me, I remember them being so rigorous that I contemplated suicide regularly. With AP courses and hours of homework a night, extracurriculars, chores, and a job, I never slept—and when I was rarely home in the evening I would snag a nap. My mother called me lazy—she worked and was rarely home as well—and my father told me my backpack was too heavy. “You carry more books than a damn college student!” he’d say. Years later, they both have eaten their words after two more daughters—both less involved than I, both without jobs until after graduation—made it through similarly tired.

Teenagers need lots of sleep; their brains and bodies are developing so rapidly that their bodies need that rest. And without it, I was an absolute train wreck. I had counselors recommending me for drugs like Paxil for a “mood disorder” when all I needed was sleep—and maybe a little time to myself.

Then, of course, there is her little outburst on Facebook. The dad is pissed that he was duped, but you know what? Teens have poor judgment and behavior controls due to their developing brains. They are going to act out and do dumb things! It’s our job as parents to understand that with empathy and to be there to help them through it, not to retaliate with violence—and make no mistake, this jerk father did respond with violence. A gun is a violent tool. I worry about how this girl will learn to handle problems without the proper guidance and care, and I wonder if her school counselor will step in at all.

Which leads me to my next point: this father is absolutely no role model. I don’t care what kind of job he has; between his own reasoning and way of speaking, to his smoking and shooting her computer—showing that destruction of property and violence are fine ways to handle a simple letter!—he is perpetuating the very behavior he claims to abhor.

(continued)

Funnix for Free

Try this supplemental reading program for free until February 16.

My family is made up of unschoolers, meaning that we don’t really follow a particular curriculum. You’ll find a few in our home, for sure; we take bits and pieces here and there for what we need. We do the same from various books, computer programs, games, science experiments, field trips, music and PE classes, playgroups, and much more.

So when I heard that the Funnix reading program was available for free download this month, I jumped on the opportunity and downloaded it right away. While I am not forcing my daughter to learn to read yet—she is still quite young, and many progressive philosophies recognize that A. children will learn to read whether forced or not, and B. when you do teach children to read, an optimal time is around the age of seven—she is very much interested in it, so we have been practicing together. “Perhaps this program will help,” I thought, with “help” meaning interest my daughter and aid her with her desires.

We tried out the first lesson tonight, and as with most educational programs, I had mixed feelings about it. It’s definitely easy to use and user-friendly (though the teacher’s guide is verbose and nearly unnecessary; I skimmed over much of it, since our goals aren’t necessarily the same as those included in the guide); though the adult is supposed to click “Next,” my daughter kept doing it, grinning at me as I tried to beat her. Well, that part was fun, at least!

The activities are very simple (so far; mind you, this is only our first lesson, so they are bound to increase in their difficulty) and self-explanatory, though the woman whose voice is used—and identifies herself as the “teacher”—does use a few annoying phrases, like “You’re gonna learn to read.” “Hard work” is also emphasized, which isn’t my intention with the program, either. We enjoy learning in our home; it’s not hard work. But I suppose that’s just the standard viewpoint in traditional schooling.

The repetition that children are supposed to do in the program is a little confusing; they are told to repeat something two different ways, which confused both of us. Kids are instructed to touch the screen, so be sure that everyone has clean hands—and that your laptop, if being used, is backed against something to prevent the screen from being jabbed backwards during instruction. For parents who do prefer a curriculum approach, this program could be very helpful.

The illustrations are so-so, as are the workbooks; we have similar things we’ve purchased from the dollar store in our home. That said, it’s a free program, so I’m not complaining about these features. I’m not sure if we will continue with the entire program—which claims to provide instruction to the point of reaching a third grade literacy level—or not, but so far, she is enjoying it, so we will do another lesson tomorrow. If you download the program, be sure to leave some comments—or your own review—to help others decide whether to download it—or purchase it—in the future.

Indoor Activities to Beat the Winter Blues

I always have a hard time believing people who can’t find something to do with their kids—but I am privileged in that I get to work from home and be with my kid all day, every day, so we are always doing something fun and interesting. But if you are truly in the need of some ideas for what to do with your children over the snow days they experience this year, here are a few.

Start a one-line journal. We keep a journal for our daughter that includes at least one sentence each day about what she did. She also gets to decorate the pages with drawings, clippings, stickers, etc.
Sled indoors if you get worn out from outdoors. Pull kids around in laundry baskets or on towels.
Have a beach party with beach towels, bathing suits, a picnic basket, the works! Watch a beachy movie, like Lilo and Stitch.
Do something together as a family—a puzzle, a talent show, karaoke, paintings, games, whatever you have. Do something you’ve never done before!
Pop some real homemade popcorn--then string it for the birds on one of your trees.
Have a Not Bummer Snow Day chart a la Judy Moody and see who can score the most points.
Break out one of those art kits that you got for Christmas and dig into it! Don’t have an art or science kit? Head to the craft store and let each kid pick one out. Our latest favorite is the Potato Chip Science bag. Careful with the potato launcher—our cats kept trying to eat the potato slivers!
Play dress up. Lately we love to be pirates or the evil team from Despicable Me, but we have also been witches, zombies, just about every animal, zookeepers, adventurers, doctors, vets, knights, Vikings, and many other characters. Be creative; a silver mixing bowl makes a great helmet in a pinch, and a wooden spoon can just as easily be a wooden arm, a wand, or a sword.
Make mad libs out of nursery rhymes. This is one of our favorite activities to do, in which we transform classics such as “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” to new hits like “Fart, Fart, Fart Your Yo-Yo.”
Make a time capsule. Include scraps from art, ticket stubs, whatever you have around. Have family members fill out surveys including favorite colors, movies, songs, etc. and put them all in a container to open on New Year’s Day next year.

When You’re Both Sick

What’s a two-parent household to do?

I know my single mom friends—I know there are single dads, too; I just don’t know any personally—are crying, “Suck it up!” but this week has been especially hard on me because both my husband and me are sick. Most of my single parent friends also either work only part-time or have children in school while they work full-time, so they may not know what it’s like to be ill with a child at home all of the time (save for summertime). And with my husband working in the morning (something we are very grateful for, don’t get me wrong!) and having to go to bed early to be up for said early job, I find myself shouldering the majority of childcare like I did when she was an infant and a toddler. I worked full-time and completed full semesters of college credit during that time, too, so why is it so difficult now when I am the primary care provider again?

I think I just got used to sleeping.

Anyhow, even when you are both sick—or if there is just one of you to care for the kids, and that you happens to have a cold or the flu—just take it lightly. Here are some things that you can definitely get by with when you’re just not well enough to care for two as you normally are.

Compromised nutrition. I don’t mean that the kids should eat Cheetos all day, but I do think it’s okay to let your children eat nutritious finger foods—granola bars, carrots, grape tomatoes, wholegrain goldfish crackers, whatever you’ve got—while you don’t feel well enough to stand over a stove. If you have something you can warm up in the microwave leftover, that works, too. Cooking up soups and other meals ahead and freezing them can really come in handy for times like these.
Television or game time. Normally we limit media in our home quite sparingly. We sometimes go days without television, and my daughter gets to pick out a half hour of computer games to play each day (she is six). These are always with me in the room, and they aren’t every day. But when you are sick, I think anything that keeps the children entertained and engaged with your minimal participation is good. Remember, if you don’t get well you can’t care for them well—and you need rest to get well.
Babysitters! This is the time to call in your BFF, sister, nephew, or anyone who shows interest in your kid. See if they’ll even spare just a couple of hours for you to rest—and let them put in a DVD if they have to. It will all be okay; the world will not end if your daughter watches Wall-E twice in one day!

Awesome Handmade Gifts for Kids

If you’re stretching a budget or just trying to teach that homemade gifts are something special, there are plenty of ways to do that with children. With a little bit of time and effort, you can make this an unforgettable holiday by putting together a few gifts like these…

Something soft and comfortable. Whether you are adept at knitting socks or a sweatshirt, crafting an afghan or quilt, or simply at cutting and tying fleece, it’s a present your child can keep and treasure for years—and it came from you. (If making fleece blankets, be sure to watch the video; the activity is easy enough for children to make for their friends, too!)
Oranges and apples. My parents got these in their stockings as children because they were poor and these were like pieces of candy for them. It’s a tradition that we enjoyed as children, too.
Make a spy kit out of felt and craft foam. You can make a bunch of disguises for your child to wear! You could even make some invisible ink messages for them to decipher.
Make a paper toy. These are some of my daughter’s favorite gifts; I always make her something from these enchanting toys every year. This year I also ran across this set of paper toys you might be interested in. All you need is a printer and some creativity; you could also leave them unfinished as craft projects for your child to make later.
Make this awesome Harry Potter wand. I’ve been meaning to make it for my child all year and darned if I will eventually! You can search the same Instructables website for tons of other craft ideas, too.
A sewn or otherwise handmade doll, animal, or other loved creature. If you can make a dragon or one of those Ugly dolls like one of my friends can, go for it!
A simple woven or beaded necklace or other piece of jewelry. If you love to bead, braid, or make jewelry in another way, this is the craft for you.
A collage of your child’s year. You could make a whole scrapbook, or one simple poster of the year’s highlights. Include movie stubs, photos, tickets, drawings, whatever you like. You could also make a shadow box to display on his or her wall, adding in larger items like sea shells or small toys. Since I keep all of these things in my daughter’s journal, if I wanted to do this I’d have to make a copy of the items first.

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